I Am NOT the Free Hugs Guy

Day 7:  17 Mindful Hugs
Week 1 = 82 Mindful Hugs

So, I've made it to the end of my first week.  I have given hugs at home, work, the gym, the coffee shop, on the street, and other random places.  I do NOT, however, give hugs in dark alleys or underpasses.  Definitely be skeptical of people hanging out there offering hugs, whether or not they say it is for research.  It's not for research.  


I also don't want to be confused with the Free Hugs movement.  I am not giving hugs to just anybody.  I get to choose who, when, and where.  It's my experiment, and those are my rules.  There have been a few hugs just a little on the creepy side, so I am erring on the side of caution, which I am considering to be a compassionate act towards myself.


What have I learned during this week of mindful hugging?

• I am more likely to give hugs between noon and 5pm.
• I am more likely to give hugs during the work week than on the weekend.
• It's best to ask people if they want a hug before hugging them.
• Men may not understand this project, but they sure don't mind being a part of it.
• While I still don't consider myself a hugger, I have come to appreciate the pause that is shared between two people during a mindful hug.
• When you enter into the present moment with another person, time slows down.  I have actually been more productive this week than I have been in a long time.  I have more energy and I am less irritable.  
• Even if I don't feel like hugging right now, do it anyway.

Hugging is an act that I never gave much thought before I began this project.  Now it seems to be at the forefront of my mind.  I wonder every morning how many hugs I'll give that day and who will be the recipients.  I wonder how many strange looks I will get when I explain this project to people.


I have been the most surprised by the fact that when I offer someone a hug, they are eager to receive one.  In a society where physical contact is nearly extinct thanks to Facebook, Google Chat, Skype, etc., I have found that people genuinely want to connect to another human. 


A hug is an effective way to send compassion to yourself and others.  You don't need any special skills or education.  You just need an open heart.  

A Cup Full of Hugs

Day 6:  21 Mindful Hugs

“We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” -Virginia Satir, Family Therapist

I began my workday at a local coffee shop and was delighted when the peppermint tea I ordered came in the Big Hug Mug.  How appropriate.  I gave 21 hugs today.  So far, that is my record for the most hugs in one day.

I must say that today was full of some really great hugs.  It seems that opportunities to hug people were everywhere.  Co-workers, friends, strangers.  The day started with a fantastic hug from a cute guy in the coffee shop, and later a hug from his adorable younger brother.  There was a hug from a new friend and one from an old friend.  Even a hug for my supervisor.

Later in the day, I ran into an acquaintance who was going through a tough time and really needed a hug.  I'm so grateful that I could give that to her when she needed it.  The best hug of the day was from a complete stranger near the end of the day.  Clearly this was a person who loves to give and get hugs.  If only I had her enthusiasm for hugs.

While I still don't consider myself much of a hugger, I am continuing to test my edge with this challenge.  I must admit that the hugging is starting to grow on me.

My Big Hug Mug runneth over.

Open Heart Hugs

Day 5:  5 Mindful Hugs

It's Memorial Day.  Several people I hugged today have served our country proudly.  I felt deep appreciation for them during our mindful hugs.

I attended a beautiful yoga class focusing on opening the heart.  I thought this was the perfect focus given the occasion.  The mind-body connection is so apparent when moving through poses that literally open the chest and lift the heart.  You can't help but feel more space to let in more compassion.

Today, I will attempt to soften around the edges.   

We Are All Connected

Day 4:  6 Mindful Hugs

Today I went on an adventure.  I drove 2.5 hours to attend a devotional service for Memorial Day.  I went by myself.  I drove down beautiful country roads and passed many historic battlefields.  As I stopped at a few historic sites, I thought about what it meant to really be grateful for all those who have served our country and given the ultimate sacrifice.  I spent much of the day in silence to honor those who have fallen and those who continue to serve and protect our freedoms.

I spent most of the morning driving, and I arrived just in time for the service to begin.  I was amazed that there were so many diverse backgrounds in attendance.  Today I prayed with people from Germany, Uruguay, Indonesia, the Philippines, Iran, and Guyana.  It was beautiful.  I hugged 6 people there.

On my long drive home, I thought about this Hugging Meditation project and how it fits in with everything else.  I believe that we are all of one race, the Human race.  We are all connected.  I believe that through this Hugging Meditation, I am honoring that connection.  I can't help but wonder if everyone gave a hug every day if there would be any conflict in the world.  

Four days into this experiment and I am already feeling happier.  I am more energetic and more productive.  I am honoring the space when I want to be alone and more introspective, and at the same time I am pushing myself to get out and be more interactive.  I believe that whether or not I make it to 500 hugs over these 30 days, I will be forever changed by this experience.

Watchooo Talkin' 'Bout, Willis?

Day 3:  13 Mindful Hugs

I didn't expect to give 13 hugs today.  I wasn't sure I'd even encounter 13 people on a Saturday, but it turns out, there were lots of opportunities to give (and receive) hugs.

Three hugs went to folks at my yoga class this morning and 1 hug at the gym later in the morning.  The remaining 9 hugs occurred this evening at the in-laws' for the annual Memorial Day gathering.

On the way to his family home, my partner of 15 years expressed his skepticism about my Hugging Meditation experiment.  He doesn't understand why I would want to do such a thing.  We had a lively exchange during which he fired off a series of questions that I regret I didn't write down at the time.  Here are a few from memory:

• Do you hug random strangers?
• What if the other person smells bad?
• What about germs?
• What if it's a homeless person?
• Do you have to hug different people every day or can you hug the same people over each day?
• Does it count if you hug a cat? Or a dog?

I don't have the answers to all of his questions, or many of my own questions, for that matter.  I think that is ultimately why I am even attempting this experiment.  I can tell you that the conversation we had on the way to his family home tonight had more depth than some of our recent interactions, so maybe that is part of the lesson I am hoping to learn from all this.

After 3 days of hugging, I have given a total of 33 hugs.  How many hugs have you given in the past 3 days?  How many will you give today?  How many will you give tomorrow?

I am choosing to push skepticism aside.  Hug on, my friends!

The Hesitant Hugger

Day 2:  9 Mindful Hugs

My second day into this experiment and I've given a total of 20 hugs.  That seems like a lot of hugging, especially for me.  I have a long way to go to get to 500 in 30 days.  According to mathematics, I need to give 16.6 hugs a day in order to reach my goal.  I guess I better step it up!

As the weekend approaches, I am a little worried that I may not even run into 16 people each day, let alone give everyone I meet a hug.  Oftentimes I prefer to be alone, particularly on the weekend.  This hugging meditation experiment is definitely a stretch for me.

I am a usually happy person and always delighted to engage with others, however that doesn't mean I want to embrace everyone in a 15-second hug.  For example, I ran into a woman this morning who I tolerate well enough, but I just wasn't feeling the urge to wrap my arms around her.  Mentally rejecting her in that moment put me in a strange mood for the rest of the morning.  The result of this dull mood was that I didn't feel very energetic or excited or vibrant all morning.  I didn't even try to hug anyone until almost noon.

"When we hug, our hearts connect and we know that we are not separate beings."--Thich Nhat Hanh

Today I will remember the words of Thich Nhat Hanh and allow the hugs to flow.  I realize that when I mentally reject the thought of hugging someone, I am withholding a gift that may be exactly what they need, or in fact I need, at that moment.

Why Hugs?

Day 1:  11 Mindful Hugs

I have officially begun my journey to explore happiness.  After coming to a crossroads, I have made it my mission to find out what it really means to be happy.  I have compiled my extensive list of books and articles on this subject and will be diving into many projects and activities over the next year.

The first book I picked up was Happiness:  Essential Mindfulness Practices by Thich Nhat Hanh.  I flipped open the book and landed on Hugging Meditation.  The practice seemed simple enough, so I decided to give it a try.

By lunchtime, I had given 7 mindful hugs.  The first to an acquaintance I have met only about 5 times.  The second and third to former co-workers I hadn't seen in years, but I just happened to run into them on the street.  The fourth to a former co-worker with whom I had previously been angry.  (Perhaps the Universe put him in my path on purpose...well, of course that is what happened!)  The sixth hug went to a young intern.  The seventh to the cute guy in the coffee shop who happens to be a very good hugger, thankyouverymuch.  Hugs 8 and 9 went to strangers in the coffee shop.  Number 10 to my dear friend who I just don't get to see often enough.  The final hug of the day went to my long-lost childhood friend with whom I have only recently been reunited.

In his book Happiness, Thich Nhat Hanh writes that hugging with mindfulness can bring reconciliation, healing, understanding, and much happiness (p. 82).  Being fully present during each of the hugs today brought me a profound sense of connection to others.  I could feel the people receiving the hugs relax with each exhale.  I began to realize what a gift I was giving them, and in turn giving to myself.  How wonderful it was to connect with some of my dearest friends in such a warm and comforting way!  I noticed that I actually felt more energetic and happier throughout the day.  Maybe there is more to this than I first thought.

I quickly realized that this is the beginning of a very interesting experiment.  What if I aimed to give 500 hugs over the next 30 days?  Looking back over the years, I don't think I have given 500 hugs in my entire life.  I haven't been the most affectionate person, but maybe I could be.  Thus, 500 Hugs was born.

I will be tracking how many mindful hugs I give each day.  I will also note whether the hugs are with friends, family, acquaintances, or strangers.

Thanks for coming along with me on this journey.  If you run into me over the next 30 days, don't let me get away without giving you a hug!